2 words-Bark Collar

I have been trying to help Mommy when she is on her calls for work but she is unappreciative. Believe it or not, I have quite a marketing mind and have plenty to contribute. About 2 weeks ago, a box arrived on the porch. Being the curious dog I am, I was sniffing and eager to get inside. A new collar! Bright red and full of personality, although a bit heavier than usual. Proudly, I let Bob put it on me-no new collar for Bella, just me. I ran around the house and to the backyard I went. I decided to let the neighbors know that I had a new collar. I jumped off the table and barked to tell the neighborhood. OUCH! What the heck was that? I had this awful pain in my neck. I was so confused, but I figured that was enough talking for me today. The next day I ended up laying on Mommy's bed. Love it there-I see everything going on in the street. When the kids came home from school, I assumed the position and began barking out the window. After my first bark, I about died, the pain was back! I had to abruptly stop barking in an effort to save myself. Now I am forced to wear the collar when Mommy is on a conference call so no one is benefiting from my business genius. Don't worry, I have been getting back at Mommy and Bob-I tinkle on the stairs. I don't have a pattern when I do this, I just like to keep them guessing. The best is when Bella and I are gated into the kitchen when Mommy and Bob leave. It's not easy, but I jump the gate and hang out on the stairs. There I can get some peace on my own. Since I can't jump back over the gate, I have no choice but to tinkle on the stairs and do my own thing. I win here, I win everywhere (sure you have seen that interview-way larger of a mess than I am). On a separate but related note, Mommy is still cooking. The smoke alarm continues to go off when she gets to zealous. The other evening I was trying to rest, and Mommy thought I would be happier wearing my polo, which was not true. But what's a dog to do? I wore it while she cooked her chicken and rice. Out of nowwhere, she burnt the wooden spoon-and the smoke detector went off. I ran into the garage and hid, shaking. When she finally coaxed me back in to the house I was so disgusted that I ran into the study and peed on the carpet-Right in front of Bob, who was on the phone with a customer. I knew he could not yell at me since he was on the phone. I win again.